The internet is a central part of daily life, offering children and adolescents opportunities for learning, connection, and entertainment. For our neurodiverse clients, we know that internet and online gaming can feel more predictable and safer for socialising and playing when compared to unpredictability of social and sensory aspects of real life. However, it also brings challenges like exposure to inappropriate content, breaking the law, cyberbullying, and overuse. At Minds & Hearts, we believe in equipping families with practical tools to support digital well-being while respecting individual family values. To help you guide your child in attaining their digital citizenship, this article explores effective strategies for managing internet use, including understanding your home router, fostering trust, and setting healthy boundaries tailored to their needs.
Why Healthy Boundaries Matter when using Technology
Healthy boundaries are essential for helping children and adolescents learn self-regulation and develop a healthy relationship with technology. For all children, healthy boundaries provide a sense of predictability and security, which supports their emotional well-being and fosters family harmony.
Healthy boundaries are not just about restrictions, but about teaching balance and responsibility. Healthy internet boundaries provide structure, helping children safely navigate the digital world and understand the impact of their online choices on others, as well as preventing legal issues.
Balancing Restrictions with Trust and Understanding
Restriction is just one part of boundary setting. To cultivate a healthy relationship with technology, it is essential that children feel acknowledged, respected, and trusted. To achieve this, one must try to understand the relationship between technology and the child’s needs, especially in relation to their neurodiversity (e.g., special interest, social currency, a primary form of competency, mastery, and belonging), and doing so positions them to comprehend the underlying reasons for establishing boundaries effectively. To that end, technical tools can be completed with the following strategies:
- Involve Your Child: Collaborate on setting screen time limits, content access, and consequences. Open discussions help them understand why boundaries are necessary, and foster respect for the rules.
- Set Clear and Consistent Expectations: Ensure your child understands the rules and their purpose, even if they don’t always agree. Enforce healthy boundaries reliably to build trust and accountability.
- Encourage Open Dialogue: Invite your child to share their online experiences and assure them that if issues arise, you’re there to help, not punish. Framing boundaries as a partnership fosters a sense of security.
- Focus on Education: Teach online safety, including protecting personal information and recognising real risks (such as bullying, exploitation, and abuse), to empower informed decisions.
- Balance Flexibility and Fairness: Consider your child’s needs, adjusting rules as they mature while maintaining fairness. For example, allowing online games to unwind after school can be a reasonable exception.
- Model Healthy Behaviour: Demonstrate responsible internet use to show that healthy boundaries apply to everyone in the household.
Understanding Your Home Router: A Key Tool for Managing Internet Use
Most home routers, whether supplied by your internet provider or purchased independently, offer features to monitor and control internet use. These tools are not a substitute for communication and trust but can reinforce boundaries practically. Here’s how to make the most of your router:
- Know What’s Connected: Use the router’s dashboard to identify devices currently online.
- Set Time Restrictions: Schedule internet access for specific devices, such as blocking usage during homework or after bedtime.
- Filter Content: Enable parental controls to block specific websites or categories of content.
- Pause Internet Access: Temporarily stop internet access for individual devices as needed.
- Monitor Usage: Review time spent online and visited websites to guide conversations about responsible use.
While these features are useful, implement them thoughtfully. Overly restrictive measures can lead to frustration or conflict, especially for neurodiverse children who may rely on the internet for social interaction or coping. Always align these tools with the healthy boundaries that have already been communicated in advance, and avoid reactive use of these tools during the heat of disagreements.
For more information on your router, you can contact your internet provider or refer to the device’s manual (the make and model are usually printed on the underside). While routers provided by internet providers typically have basic digital well-being features, third-party devices may offer greater flexibility and control.
Building a Foundation for Trust and Independence
Parents may worry that monitoring internet use could feel invasive or damage their relationship with their child, however, like with many things, it can come down to a balance. Think of how parents teach their young children to use utensils. Initially, parents will guide them, perhaps even restrict how much they’re allowed to use, ensuring they don’t make a mess or hurt themselves. Over time, as children develop more control and confidence, the restrictions lessen, and they gain more independence in eating. This mirrors healthy online boundaries – too much control can feel stifling, while too little can lead to risky situations. A balanced approach allows children to learn self-regulation while ensuring they stay safe and supported.
Rather than secretly tracking online activity, parents could openly discuss monitoring as part of a shared agreement focused on well-being. While excessive control can lead to secrecy or resentment, transparency and respect can help build trust. Some fear that restrictions might hinder self-regulation, but younger children and those with executive functioning difficulties often need more overt guidance initially. Gradually easing restrictions as they show responsibility can support autonomy.
Comparisons to other families are inevitable. Some children may point out that a peer has unrestricted internet access or none at all. Every family is different, and a universal approach doesn’t exist. The key is to ensure your child understands the reasons behind your boundaries and feels supported. The goal of setting healthy internet boundaries is not just to keep children safe but to prepare them for responsible digital citizenship. Achieving this requires trust, open communication, and mutual respect.
By understanding how your home router works and using it to support healthy boundaries, you’re empowering yourself as a parent, and helping your child develop independence. At Minds & Hearts, we understand the unique challenges neurodiverse families face in navigating the digital world. By combining practical tools with compassionate, individualised approaches, parents can create environments where children feel supported, understood, and equipped to thrive both online and offline.
If you’re a parent reading this and feeling overwhelmed by the challenge of setting boundaries – you are not alone, and this is a very common struggle we advise parents on. Many parents find boundary-setting difficult, especially with particularly strong-willed children with behavioural challenges who retaliate when parents try to start upholding a limit; if the parent(s) have limited energy and family support resources; or if the parent(s) were raised in an environment where limits were either too harsh or non-existent.
The good news is that healthy boundaries can be learned and strengthened over time, and seeking support is a powerful first step. At Minds & Hearts, we specialise in helping parents navigate these challenges with evidence-based strategies tailored to your child’s needs. A problem-solving appointment can provide you with practical guidance, emotional support, and a structured plan to foster healthier family dynamics. Reach out to Minds & Hearts today to start building the confidence and skills needed to set loving, firm, and effective boundaries that help your child—and you—thrive. Additionally, for a wide range of resources, you can visit the Australian Government’s eSafety Commissioner website at eSafety.gov.au.