Anxiety can feel exhausting.
It can show up as a tight chest before a meeting. A racing mind at night. A wave of dread before sending a message. A sudden urge to cancel plans. Sometimes it feels loud and urgent. Other times it hums quietly in the background, gently but persistently influencing decisions in ways we barely notice.
When anxiety rises, wanting relief makes sense.
- We distract ourselves.
- We overprepare.
- We avoid certain conversations.
- We say no when we wish we could say yes.
- We tell ourselves we should be coping better than this.
These are often attempts to feel safer. The difficulty is that while they can bring short-term relief, they can also gradually narrow our world. Opportunities are postponed. Important conversations are avoided. Parts of ourselves stay quiet.1
Anxiety is not necessarily a sign that something is wrong, it can be a signal that something important is at stake.
Anxiety: A Protective System at Work
Anxiety can feel intense and confusing. It can seem to arrive out of nowhere, or to linger longer than we would like.
But beneath the discomfort, something very human is happening.
Joseph LeDoux describes how survival systems are ancient. Long before humans had language, organisms developed rapid body-based responses to threat. The heart races. Muscles tense. Attention sharpens. These physical shifts happen automatically.
Only later in human evolution did we develop the capacity to reflect on these bodily changes, to name them, organise them, and call them emotions.¹
In other words, the body responds first. Then the mind makes meaning.
When we say, “I feel anxious,” we are describing our conscious awareness of protective bodily responses. This is part of being human. It reflects our remarkable capacity for self-awareness.
Anxiety often arises when something matters, when there is uncertainty, vulnerability, or risk. The same system that prepares us to respond to danger can also activate when we care deeply about how something will unfold.
Seen this way, anxiety is not something foreign or broken. It is evidence that your nervous system is engaged.
The question becomes less about how to get rid of anxiety, and more about how to understand it, and how to move forward with it.
Anxiety as Information
When we approach anxiety with curiosity, it can begin to feel less like an obstacle and more like information.
It may be signalling that something matters, such as:
- A wish to be respected
- A fear of disapproval
- Anger you were never allowed to express
- Sadness about potential loss
- A value you deeply care about but feel afraid to risk
Often, anxiety sits right at the edge of growth. At work, this might mean speaking up in a meeting. At school, submitting an assignment despite self-doubt. Socially, reaching out rather than withdrawing.
When anxiety feels strong, it is completely understandable to want it to stop. And sometimes creating space from a situation is helpful. But if our only goal becomes eliminating anxiety, we may lose the opportunity to understand what it is connected to.
Avoidance can bring temporary relief, yet it can also reinforce the idea that the situation was too much. The nervous system stays on alert. The world can begin to narrow.
Turning toward anxiety, gently and gradually, offers a different experience. It allows the body to learn that discomfort can rise and fall. It allows the mind to gather new understanding. It reminds us that we can feel anxious and still choose how to respond.
Anxiety, Awareness, and the Neurodivergent Nervous System
LeDoux’s work highlights something important: while survival responses are automatic and deeply rooted, humans also have the capacity to become aware of them.
When we notice, “I am feeling anxious,” we are not just reacting; we are observing. That awareness creates space between the activation and the action that follows.
For some people, including many autistic and ADHD individuals, the nervous system may remain more readily alert. Sensory input, social complexity, or unexpected change can increase activation. This means the system is working hard to navigate and make sense of the environment.
When anxiety rises in these moments, it may reflect the brain’s effort to organise uncertainty and maintain safety. The activation itself is not the problem. What shapes the outcome is how we respond to it.
LeDoux’s framework reminds us that while the body may mobilise quickly, conscious awareness gives us flexibility. When we gently turn toward anxiety rather than immediately escaping it, new learning becomes possible. The body may still activate, but the meaning we attach to that activation can shift.
Over time, this is how anxiety restructures, not by suppressing the survival system, but by reshaping our relationship to it.
How Therapy Can Help
Turning toward anxiety can feel difficult to do alone.
In therapy, we slow the process down. We pay attention to what happens for you when anxiety rises, perhaps your chest tightens, your breathing becomes shallow, your thoughts speed up, or you feel an urge to step back from the situation. These shifts reflect your nervous system mobilising.
Rather than trying to immediately settle or override the anxiety, we focus on helping the nervous system learn that feeling anxious does not automatically mean something is unsafe. We build your capacity to stay with the experience safely and gradually, so that anxiety becomes something you can work with rather than something that controls you.
Often, anxiety quietly shapes our decisions in ways we barely notice, which opportunities we pursue, how we respond in relationships, whether we speak up or stay silent. Over time, this can begin to feel fixed or inevitable.
Carl Jung wrote,
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”²
Therapy offers a space to gently bring these patterns into awareness, and to create new experiences alongside them.
The goal is not to eliminate anxiety. It is to help your nervous system experience it differently, to discover that you can feel anxious and still think clearly, speak, choose, and act.
When this happens repeatedly, anxiety becomes less overwhelming and more workable.
And over time, something steady begins to grow: a quiet confidence that you can handle what arises. Not because anxiety disappears, but because you know you can face it and move forward anyway.
If this resonates with you, our team at Minds & Hearts is here to support you in building that understanding and confidence, and appointments can be booked through our clinic website.
References
- LeDoux, Joseph E. “As Soon as There Was Life, There Was Danger: The Deep History of Survival Behaviours and the Shallower History of Consciousness.” Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences 378, no. 1873 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2021.0376.
- Jung, C. G. The Undiscovered Self. Translated by R. F. C. Hull. New York: New American Library, 1957.
Further Reading
Harris, Russ. The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living. 2nd ed. Boston: Shambhala Publications, 2019.
About the Author
Samantha (Sam) Butterworth is a psychologist at Minds & Hearts, working with children, adolescents, adults, and parents. Sam’s work is strongly informed and inspired by psychodynamic therapy and theory, alongside neuro-, attachment-, and trauma-informed approaches.
Alongside this psychodynamic focus, Sam is also trained in a range of evidence-based approaches, including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Motivational Interviewing, and is currently undertaking formal training in Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (ISTDP).
Sam aims to use these frameworks to help young people and adults better understand their emotions, behaviours, and relationships, particularly when difficulties feel complex or longstanding, with a focus on building insight, resilience, and meaningful change.
In her work with children and parents, Sam draws on structured, developmentally appropriate approaches, including Circle of Security Parenting (COSP) and cognitive behavioural frameworks such as CBT, to support understanding of behavioural sequences, emotional responses, and caregiver–child relationships. She works collaboratively and with care, supporting children to better understand their emotional experiences and behavioural patterns, and parents to develop a greater understanding of the caregiver–child relationship.
Sam has a strong interest in working with individuals with autism and ADHD, as well as those experiencing mood and anxiety disorders, personality-related difficulties, and interpersonal or relational challenges. Her work is guided by curiosity, respect, and a commitment to supporting emotional awareness, self-understanding, and meaningful connection with others.
Please click here for Samantha’s full bio.
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